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Tracy Marander (Kurt's [first?] girlfriend):I know that some people will say that I treated Kurt maternally, took care of him, but I like to think it was more trying to nurture him, rather than take care of him.
Try to nurture who he was and try to get him to--let him do his art, let him do his music, and encourage him to get better at it as opposed to trying to stifle it. But also not try to be a mom, but trying to be a nurturing girlfriend. Or friend.We met at a party. You know, I liked him, I had a crush on him. And then finally somebody told him, 'Don't you get that she likes you?' or something, cause he was just kind of clueless about it, you know.I liked that he was funny. He made me laugh. He wasn't afraid to be goofy or silly. But mostly we just had a good time hanging out.
-2015, Montage of Heck film
Interviewer: At what point did it seem to you that he was not--can you describe the men in Aberdeen? In general?
Wendy O'Connor (Kurt's mother): No. [laughs]
Int: Well, Kurt seems very, like, different. At what age was it clear that he was not going to be a logger?
Wendy: Ok, I was thinking the other day about how I guess he thought at one point he might be gay, which is fine, I mean, it runs in our family, but I kind of felt that he was kind of questioning himself. He would ask me questions about girls. And trying to figure out how to get one, I think. That's what I thought.
And I think he was really kind of like, wondering--because he was artistic... and so I started thinking about this the other day, and he was really--he and I were really best friends. I mean, when he died I lost one of my best friends. We had so much fun talking about the world and politics and life and music and just everything. We talked all the time.
And he was very aware, especially when I was with three not-suited men, how that made him feel. He didn't like the way his dad talked to me. He didn't like the way my boyfriend after Don treated me. [...]
He and I were so close, and he was very respectful, he was very courteous, good, really good manners. I made sure of that. Because Don had none. [...] We were just really close, and I think that is what makes the difference in these roughhouse boys, you know, jocks--they're more bonded to their dads, I think, than they are to their mothers. I prefer men that love their mothers. They're just gentler, they understand women a little bit better.
And then just being an artist, he--everywhere in school, except for English and art, he felt like the jocks were--you know, I don't know. He never came home and said he was being bullied. Or that he was being picked on. He never said that. I just assumed that because he wasn't into sports [...] that Kurt probably felt a little left out that way.
And as he got older he got a little more shy. Just maybe less confident. When he was young he didn't care what people thought. And then as he got older he became aware that he wasn't like the regular guys. But it didn't mean that he didn't have guy friends, he had a lot of guy friends, but they were very much similar to him.
-2015, Montage of Heck film outtakes
tags:
- date of story:pre-band era,
- date:post-band era,
- decade of story:1980s,
- decade:2010s,
- film:montage of heck,
- media:film,
- media:quote,
- person:kurt,
- person:wendy o'connor,
- topic:'it runs in the family',
- topic:art & artists,
- topic:being a black sheep,
- topic:bisexuality,
- topic:coming out,
- topic:family,
- topic:feminism,
- topic:friendship,
- topic:gender-nonconformity,
- topic:homophobia,
- topic:homosexuality,
- topic:sexuality,
- type:factual
"Luckily, I found a gay friend, who basically saved me from wanting to kill myself half the time. Apparently everyone in high school knew he was gay, they just didn't bother to tell me, or I just didn't bother to notice, you know, until he decided to make a pass at me one night. And I just flatly told him that I wasn't gay, but I'd still be his friend. After that I started to realise that people were looking at me even more peculiarly than usual. And then I started to get harrassed by some of the people, especially in gym class. They felt threatened because they were naked and I was supposedly gay, so they'd either better cover up their penises or punch me. [laugh] Or both.
But then after that I started being proud of the fact that I was gay even though I wasn't. I really enjoyed the conflict. Pretty exciting. Because I almost found my identity. I was a special geek, you know? It wasn't quite the punk rocker that I was looking for, but at least it was better than being the average geek."
-Kurt (About A Son, audio recorded 1992, film released 2006)
tags:
"I always wanted to think that I was an alien. I used to think when I was young that I was adopted, by my mother, because they found me in a spaceship, like maybe I was from a different planet, I always wanted to be from a different planet really bad. Every night I used to talk to my real parents or my real family in the skies. [laugh] I knew that there were thousands of other alien babies dropped off. And they're all over the place and I've met quite a few of 'em. It's just something that I've always like to toy with in my mind. It was really fun to pretend that, you know. There's some special reason for me to be here. I feel really homesick all the time, so do the other aliens, and I only have the chance to come across like a handful of other aliens throughout the rest of my life. Eventually, one day, we'll find out what we're supposed to do."
-Kurt, About A Son (interviews conducted 1992-3, film released 2006)
[Archivist's note: The 1998 Todd Haynes film, Velvet Goldmine, has a scene based on this quote.]
"I remember seeing him in high school a few times and thinking he was definitely somebody I wanted to meet. But I never saw him other than at pep assemblies. He would usually participate in some kind of a skit, or something. And I remember thinking, God, he was this really clever, funny, loudmouth person.
"I kept, you know, always making it obvious that I wanted to be in a band, I wanted someone to play with, but still Chris never wanted to. Until I made the Fecal Matter tape with Dale and always making it available for Chris to hear, and he just never bothered to listen to it until one day he just came over and said, "I finally listened to that tape you made. It's pretty good. You know, we should start a band." Ok! Finally! [laughs]"
-Kurt (1992) on his attempts to make senpai notice him in high school--he spent a whole year doing this! (from About A Son)
