NIRVANA SLASH ARCHIVE

""Those guys [Kurt and Courtney] went off into their own world and they were kind of thought of as vampires because they'd be gone and sleep all day," says Chris.

They barely spoke for five months, even at rehearsals.

But Chris was very upset about what was happening to his old friend. He would rant at Dave or Shelli, "Kurt's a fucking junkie asshole and I hate him!" Chris was angry with Kurt, he says, "Probably because I felt like he left me. I was really concerned and worried about him and there was nothing I could do about it. I was just taking my anger out on him.

"It was hard to understand," says Chris, "I couldn't get over the whole hurdle of heroin."

Part of the problem was that as usual, Chris didn't confront the problem with Kurt directly. "We've never really communicated very well when there's been a problem between us," Kurt says. "We never talk about it, we just let it pass. We've never confronted one another about things that piss each other off.""

-Krist and Kurt (1993), Come As You Are by Azerrad, page 255

"They really liked the studio's monitors, because they were so huge-sounding. When Been A Son was done, Kurt and Krist asked, 'Can we dance on the tables?' They jumped on one table and I jumped on another, and as we listened to the song, we rocked."

-Steve Fisk, engineer & producer, remembers a Sept. 1989 recording session (Jan. 2005 Mojo Magazine)

"I was sitting on a small couch and Tad was sitting in a chair across from me and we were talking. Just then Kurt walks in and jumps on Tad's lap and hangs on him with his arms around Tad's neck. Tad says, "Merry Christmas, little boy! What would you like for Christmas this year?"
Kurt then says, "I'm not so happy with you, Santa Tad..."
Tad: "Oh, really? And why is that?"
Kurt: "Because last year I asked you for a rubber fist shaped like this" [gestures with his hand in a tight fist] "but instead you gave me a rubber fist shaped like this!" [makes a gesture with his hand with all his fingers pressed together and straight forward] We all laughed."

-Tim Soylan, member of opening band who toured with Tad, recalling a 1990 tour story (2015, I Found My Friends by Nick Soulsby)

"Chris and Dave have had to pick up a lot of Kurt's slack. Chris and Dave were close before, but now they're inseparable."

-Nils Bernstein, Nirvana's fanmail organizer, 16 Apr 1992, Rolling Stone magazine

Lithium (early electric version)
Lyrics: Kurt Cobain

I'm so happy
I can't wait to find my friends
They're in my head
I'm so lonely
That's ok 'cause will is good
And I've got wood
I'm so horny
That's ok 'cause I've got God
And he's got you
I'm so happy
That's ok, you broke my bed

Hey, hey, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Hey, hey, yeah!

Sunday morning
Is the day I think of you
And I'm not blue
I'm so ugly
That's ok 'cause so are you
We broke our mirrors
I'm so ugly
I can't wait to find my friends
They're in my head
Sunday morning
Is the day I think of you!

Hey, hey, hey!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, hey, yeah!

I like it
I'm not gonna cry
I miss you
I'm not gonna cry
I love you
I'm not gonna crack
I killed you
I'm not gonna crack

I need you
I'm not gonna crack
I miss you
I'm not gonna crack
I love you
I'm not gonna cry
I made you
I'm not gonna cry

I'm not 'baby'
I'm to blame for all I've heard
And I'm a turd
Sunday morning
Is the day I think of you
And I'm not blue
Light my candles
Keep my friends[?]
From going too[?]
And I love you
I'm so happy
'Cause today I think of you!

Hey! Hey! Yeah!
Yeah, hey, yeah!
Hey, hey, yeah!

I like it
I'm not gonna cry
I need you
I'm not gonna cry
I love you
I'm not gonna crack
I need you
I'm not gonna crack

I need you
I'm not gonna crack
I miss you
I'm not gonna crack
I love you
I'm not gonna crack
I killed you
I'm not gonna crack

"Friendship is one of the biggest things I can think of. Relationships are more important than anything else. I think everyone should go all the way in trying to strengthen their personal relationships. For me, it's very important to have friends who understand your needs and who'll help you in difficult times. The value of friendship is immense, and it should be thought of that way."

-Kurt, November 1991, Blast Magazine (Italy)
collected in Cobain On Cobain by Nick Soulsby

Novoselic: Jazz drug [referring to heroin]. Then you’re inclined for medication. I can see how it was attractive. You know, people medicating themselves …. And then there’s this whole whirlwind.

Hughes: About that stomach ailment that he was cursed with?

Novoselic: It was weird. It was real, I mean it was real. I remember he would throw up so much he couldn’t throw up any more. I took him to doctors, specialists.

Hughes: You would think that some of those specialists could have hit on something.

Novoselic: I don’t know what it was. I don’t know what, that’s a mystery. You’d think they’d find something. I think it was just the crap food. Here’s the deal, like, we don’t have a lot of money, OK. So we go to like AM/PM, in Olympia. Right behind the lottery office there was an AM/PM there. And it was like, OK at least I got a hot dog. We’re hungry, right. He gets a fucking ice-cream cone. And I’m like, “No wonder your stomach hurts. Why are you eating ice cream?” And then he looks at me and gets all pissed off , like I’m telling him what to do. But I’m the dude who drove him to the frickin’ hospital, or hanging out with him while he’s puking his guts, and trying to help him. So it’s just like, you know, “Oh, don’t do heroin.” And I’d get the same look. You know what I mean? So where the heck am I going to go? What am I going to do? What can I say? “You eat this greasy hot dog instead of the ice cream cone.”

-14 Oct 2008, Interviewed by John Hughes for the Washington State Heritage Center

Interviewer: At what point did it seem to you that he was not--can you describe the men in Aberdeen? In general?

Wendy O'Connor (Kurt's mother): No. [laughs]

Int: Well, Kurt seems very, like, different. At what age was it clear that he was not going to be a logger?

Wendy: Ok, I was thinking the other day about how I guess he thought at one point he might be gay, which is fine, I mean, it runs in our family, but I kind of felt that he was kind of questioning himself. He would ask me questions about girls. And trying to figure out how to get one, I think. That's what I thought.

And I think he was really kind of like, wondering--because he was artistic... and so I started thinking about this the other day, and he was really--he and I were really best friends. I mean, when he died I lost one of my best friends. We had so much fun talking about the world and politics and life and music and just everything. We talked all the time.

And he was very aware, especially when I was with three not-suited men, how that made him feel. He didn't like the way his dad talked to me. He didn't like the way my boyfriend after Don treated me. [...]

He and I were so close, and he was very respectful, he was very courteous, good, really good manners. I made sure of that. Because Don had none. [...] We were just really close, and I think that is what makes the difference in these roughhouse boys, you know, jocks--they're more bonded to their dads, I think, than they are to their mothers. I prefer men that love their mothers. They're just gentler, they understand women a little bit better.

And then just being an artist, he--everywhere in school, except for English and art, he felt like the jocks were--you know, I don't know. He never came home and said he was being bullied. Or that he was being picked on. He never said that. I just assumed that because he wasn't into sports [...] that Kurt probably felt a little left out that way.

And as he got older he got a little more shy. Just maybe less confident. When he was young he didn't care what people thought. And then as he got older he became aware that he wasn't like the regular guys. But it didn't mean that he didn't have guy friends, he had a lot of guy friends, but they were very much similar to him.

-2015, Montage of Heck film outtakes

"[One of] Kurt's earliest aspirations [was] to earn enough money to buy a piece of land that both he and his best friend, Krist, could live on with their girlfriends. Sub Pop's Megan Jasper recalls an early conversation:

"I remember one time they were in my office waiting for Jonathan and Bruce and they were making jokes about why they were making records, they were half-joking, because they never thought it would be possible, but they wanted to buy a chunk of land in the middle of nowhere that was all farm land. And they wanted it to be big enough so Krist and Shelli could have a house built on that land, and Kurt and Tracy wanted a house on the same chunk of property, so they could be neighbors and have these great farmhouses. And they were laughing because they never thought they'd be able to have it. Those two [Kurt and Krist] were inseparable at the time. They were so tight.""

-from Nirvana: The Daily Eyewitness Chronicle by Carrie Borzillo

Interviewer: Because people thought you were gay and you had gay friends, did you ever wonder if you might be gay?

Kurt: Yeah, absolutely. See I've always wanted male friends that I could be real intimate with and talk about important things with and be as affectionate with that person as I would be with a girl. Throughout my life, I've always been really close with girls and made friends with girls. And I've always been a really sickly, feminine person anyhow, so I thought I was gay for a while because I didn't find any of the girls in my high school attractive at all. They had really awful haircuts and fucked-up attitudes. So I thought I would try to be gay for a while, but I'm just more sexually attracted to women. But I'm really glad that I found a few gay friends, because it totally saved me from becoming a monk or something.

I mean, I'm definitely gay in spirit, and I probably could be bisexual. [...] If I wouldn't have found Courtney, I probably would have carried on with a bisexual life-style.

(The Advocate 1993)