""Those guys [Kurt and Courtney] went off into their own world and they were kind of thought of as vampires because they'd be gone and sleep all day," says Chris.
They barely spoke for five months, even at rehearsals.
But Chris was very upset about what was happening to his old friend. He would rant at Dave or Shelli, "Kurt's a fucking junkie asshole and I hate him!" Chris was angry with Kurt, he says, "Probably because I felt like he left me. I was really concerned and worried about him and there was nothing I could do about it. I was just taking my anger out on him.
"It was hard to understand," says Chris, "I couldn't get over the whole hurdle of heroin."
Part of the problem was that as usual, Chris didn't confront the problem with Kurt directly. "We've never really communicated very well when there's been a problem between us," Kurt says. "We never talk about it, we just let it pass. We've never confronted one another about things that piss each other off.""
-Krist and Kurt (1993), Come As You Are by Azerrad, page 255
"When the song finished I kissed Kurdt's hand then gave him a big hug it was very emotional [...] Went for a walk into town with Kurdt and Go-Go. Kurdt is unfathomable. He's friendly but introverted and I find it difficult to talk to him because I admire his group so much and I don't like talking about music with him"
-Eugene Kelly writing about singing one of his own songs with Kurt during Nirvana's Reading Festival set (from Eugene's diary of the 1991 UK tour on which Captain America opened for Nirvana, Uncut Magazine Aug 2021)
Archivist's note: This was typed as it was written (lack of punctuation, etc).
"They really liked the studio's monitors, because they were so huge-sounding. When Been A Son was done, Kurt and Krist asked, 'Can we dance on the tables?' They jumped on one table and I jumped on another, and as we listened to the song, we rocked."
-Steve Fisk, engineer & producer, remembers a Sept. 1989 recording session (Jan. 2005 Mojo Magazine)
"I was sitting on a small couch and Tad was sitting in a chair across from me and we were talking. Just then Kurt walks in and jumps on Tad's lap and hangs on him with his arms around Tad's neck. Tad says, "Merry Christmas, little boy! What would you like for Christmas this year?"
Kurt then says, "I'm not so happy with you, Santa Tad..."
Tad: "Oh, really? And why is that?"
Kurt: "Because last year I asked you for a rubber fist shaped like this" [gestures with his hand in a tight fist] "but instead you gave me a rubber fist shaped like this!" [makes a gesture with his hand with all his fingers pressed together and straight forward] We all laughed."
-Tim Soylan, member of opening band who toured with Tad, recalling a 1990 tour story (2015, I Found My Friends by Nick Soulsby)
""I don't think he [Kurt] had a hell of a lot of friends," [Matt] Lukin recalls. "He was always trying to start bands, but it was hard to find people who wouldn't flake out on him." [Buzz] Osborne introduced him to Novoselic, a shy youth so tall (he's six feet seven) that he bumped his head on the beams in Cobain's house. Cobain formed a band with this kindred spirit two years his senior. [...]
A vandal with a cause, Cobain loved to spray-paint the word "queer" on four-by-four trucks, the redneck vehicle of choice. Other favorite graffiti included "God is gay" and "Abort Nirvana Christ." In 1985, Novoselic, Osborne, and 18-year-old Cobain wrote "Homosexual Sex Rules" on the side of an Aberdeen bank (Osborne swears it said "Quiet Riot"). While Osborne and Novoselic hid in a garbage dumpster, Cobain was caught and arrested. A police report lists the contents of his pockets: a guitar pick, a key, a beer, a mood ring, and a cassette by the militant punk band Millions of Dead Cops."
-16 Apr 1992, Rolling Stone magazine
Archivist's note: Kurt listed Millions of Dead Cops as one of his top 50 favourite albums. Check out the lyrics to "America's So Straight" from the album Kurt had in his pocket.
( Read more... )
"He's [Krist's] fantastic. I mean, he's highly underrated, or at least overshadowed as a musician, but he's such a huge part of Nirvana. I think Dave once said, "I've played in so many shows, you know how many Krist played in? All of 'em." And that's really true.
And I know from stories that Krist told me, you know, like, even in the early days, Krist was doing a lot of the load-ins. Krist was very protective of Kurt. It was very much a Sam and Frodo kind of a thing. Krist really fostered Kurt's ability to do what he did. And I think that you really need these two elements."
-Earnie Bailey, Nirvana's guitar tech, 13 Jun 2020, Daniel Sarkissian interview
Lithium (early electric version)
Lyrics: Kurt Cobain
I'm so happy
I can't wait to find my friends
They're in my head
I'm so lonely
That's ok 'cause will is good
And I've got wood
I'm so horny
That's ok 'cause I've got God
And he's got you
I'm so happy
That's ok, you broke my bed
Hey, hey, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Hey, hey, yeah!
Sunday morning
Is the day I think of you
And I'm not blue
I'm so ugly
That's ok 'cause so are you
We broke our mirrors
I'm so ugly
I can't wait to find my friends
They're in my head
Sunday morning
Is the day I think of you!
Hey, hey, hey!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, hey, yeah!
I like it
I'm not gonna cry
I miss you
I'm not gonna cry
I love you
I'm not gonna crack
I killed you
I'm not gonna crack
I need you
I'm not gonna crack
I miss you
I'm not gonna crack
I love you
I'm not gonna cry
I made you
I'm not gonna cry
I'm not 'baby'
I'm to blame for all I've heard
And I'm a turd
Sunday morning
Is the day I think of you
And I'm not blue
Light my candles
Keep my friends[?]
From going too[?]
And I love you
I'm so happy
'Cause today I think of you!
Hey! Hey! Yeah!
Yeah, hey, yeah!
Hey, hey, yeah!
I like it
I'm not gonna cry
I need you
I'm not gonna cry
I love you
I'm not gonna crack
I need you
I'm not gonna crack
I need you
I'm not gonna crack
I miss you
I'm not gonna crack
I love you
I'm not gonna crack
I killed you
I'm not gonna crack
Archivist's note: To hear another set of alternate lyrics for Lithium that reveal who the song is addressed to click here.
Lithium (early acoustic version)
Lyrics: Kurt Cobain
I'm so happy
Cause today I found my friends
They're in my head
I'm so ugly
That's ok, cause so are you
We broke our mirrors
Sunday morning
Is everyday for all I care
And I'm not scared
Light my candles
In a daze, cause I found God
Hey hey hey, hey!
Yeah hey!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
I'm so lonely
That's ok, you shaved your head
And I'm not sad
And just maybe
I'm to blame for all I've heard
And I'm not sure
I'm so excited
I can't wait to meet you there
And I don't care
I'm so horny
That's ok, my will is good
Hey hey hey, hey!
Yeah hey!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Archivist's note: In this early acoustic version of Lithium, recorded in 1990, we learn who the "you" is that Kurt is addressing in the song:

Here's a picture from 1989. Kurt was not happy with Krist's new look, comparing it to a "Nazi".
For another alternate set of lyrics for Lithium, click here.
"Friendship is one of the biggest things I can think of. Relationships are more important than anything else. I think everyone should go all the way in trying to strengthen their personal relationships. For me, it's very important to have friends who understand your needs and who'll help you in difficult times. The value of friendship is immense, and it should be thought of that way."
-Kurt, November 1991, Blast Magazine (Italy)
collected in Cobain On Cobain by Nick Soulsby
"I remember one time during their [Nirvana's] 1992 Australian tour and we were in the tour bus. Everyone was drinking wine and Dave Grohl took out a notebook. Dave Grohl had a diary or journal of some sort, whatever it was, and during that tour he wrote in it everyday. He might have written in it afterward, too, but I wouldn't know.
Dave started writing and Krist Novoselic asked him what he was doing. Dave ignored him and Kurt Cobain became curious, too. Kurt grabbed the journal and picked a random page from it and read it out loud. This journal entry described Kurt Cobain in somewhat interesting detail.
Dave called Kurt Cobain his best friend and said getting that call from Kurt and Krist was the best day of his life. The journal entry also said Kurt Cobain saved his life because he felt very confused, or lost, while in Scream and contemplated life-threatening situations, if you know what I mean.
Kurt Cobain gave the book back to Dave Grohl, took another sip of wine, and hugged him. He told Dave Grohl that he is his best friend and asked him to never leave the band no matter what, because he couldn't do this [the band] without him. Krist shook his head in agreement. Dave Grohl said he would die before that happened and they smiled. Krist Novoselic, Kurt Cobain, and Dave Grohl had a group hug.
I laughed hysterically at them with warmth in my heart. The next day Kurt Cobain said it was just the wine talking, but I know he meant what he said. You can't fake a moment like that."
-Youri Lenquette, 1995
Archivist's note: I'm gonna fucking cry
Novoselic: Jazz drug [referring to heroin]. Then you’re inclined for medication. I can see how it was attractive. You know, people medicating themselves …. And then there’s this whole whirlwind.
Hughes: About that stomach ailment that he was cursed with?
Novoselic: It was weird. It was real, I mean it was real. I remember he would throw up so much he couldn’t throw up any more. I took him to doctors, specialists.
Hughes: You would think that some of those specialists could have hit on something.
Novoselic: I don’t know what it was. I don’t know what, that’s a mystery. You’d think they’d find something. I think it was just the crap food. Here’s the deal, like, we don’t have a lot of money, OK. So we go to like AM/PM, in Olympia. Right behind the lottery office there was an AM/PM there. And it was like, OK at least I got a hot dog. We’re hungry, right. He gets a fucking ice-cream cone. And I’m like, “No wonder your stomach hurts. Why are you eating ice cream?” And then he looks at me and gets all pissed off , like I’m telling him what to do. But I’m the dude who drove him to the frickin’ hospital, or hanging out with him while he’s puking his guts, and trying to help him. So it’s just like, you know, “Oh, don’t do heroin.” And I’d get the same look. You know what I mean? So where the heck am I going to go? What am I going to do? What can I say? “You eat this greasy hot dog instead of the ice cream cone.”
-14 Oct 2008, Interviewed by John Hughes for the Washington State Heritage Center
Tracy Marander (Kurt's [first?] girlfriend):I know that some people will say that I treated Kurt maternally, took care of him, but I like to think it was more trying to nurture him, rather than take care of him.
Try to nurture who he was and try to get him to--let him do his art, let him do his music, and encourage him to get better at it as opposed to trying to stifle it. But also not try to be a mom, but trying to be a nurturing girlfriend. Or friend.We met at a party. You know, I liked him, I had a crush on him. And then finally somebody told him, 'Don't you get that she likes you?' or something, cause he was just kind of clueless about it, you know.I liked that he was funny. He made me laugh. He wasn't afraid to be goofy or silly. But mostly we just had a good time hanging out.
-2015, Montage of Heck film
Interviewer: At what point did it seem to you that he was not--can you describe the men in Aberdeen? In general?
Wendy O'Connor (Kurt's mother): No. [laughs]
Int: Well, Kurt seems very, like, different. At what age was it clear that he was not going to be a logger?
Wendy: Ok, I was thinking the other day about how I guess he thought at one point he might be gay, which is fine, I mean, it runs in our family, but I kind of felt that he was kind of questioning himself. He would ask me questions about girls. And trying to figure out how to get one, I think. That's what I thought.
And I think he was really kind of like, wondering--because he was artistic... and so I started thinking about this the other day, and he was really--he and I were really best friends. I mean, when he died I lost one of my best friends. We had so much fun talking about the world and politics and life and music and just everything. We talked all the time.
And he was very aware, especially when I was with three not-suited men, how that made him feel. He didn't like the way his dad talked to me. He didn't like the way my boyfriend after Don treated me. [...]
He and I were so close, and he was very respectful, he was very courteous, good, really good manners. I made sure of that. Because Don had none. [...] We were just really close, and I think that is what makes the difference in these roughhouse boys, you know, jocks--they're more bonded to their dads, I think, than they are to their mothers. I prefer men that love their mothers. They're just gentler, they understand women a little bit better.
And then just being an artist, he--everywhere in school, except for English and art, he felt like the jocks were--you know, I don't know. He never came home and said he was being bullied. Or that he was being picked on. He never said that. I just assumed that because he wasn't into sports [...] that Kurt probably felt a little left out that way.
And as he got older he got a little more shy. Just maybe less confident. When he was young he didn't care what people thought. And then as he got older he became aware that he wasn't like the regular guys. But it didn't mean that he didn't have guy friends, he had a lot of guy friends, but they were very much similar to him.
-2015, Montage of Heck film outtakes
"Luckily, I found a gay friend, who basically saved me from wanting to kill myself half the time. Apparently everyone in high school knew he was gay, they just didn't bother to tell me, or I just didn't bother to notice, you know, until he decided to make a pass at me one night. And I just flatly told him that I wasn't gay, but I'd still be his friend. After that I started to realise that people were looking at me even more peculiarly than usual. And then I started to get harrassed by some of the people, especially in gym class. They felt threatened because they were naked and I was supposedly gay, so they'd either better cover up their penises or punch me. [laugh] Or both.
But then after that I started being proud of the fact that I was gay even though I wasn't. I really enjoyed the conflict. Pretty exciting. Because I almost found my identity. I was a special geek, you know? It wasn't quite the punk rocker that I was looking for, but at least it was better than being the average geek."
-Kurt (About A Son, audio recorded 1992, film released 2006)
"[One of] Kurt's earliest aspirations [was] to earn enough money to buy a piece of land that both he and his best friend, Krist, could live on with their girlfriends. Sub Pop's Megan Jasper recalls an early conversation:
"I remember one time they were in my office waiting for Jonathan and Bruce and they were making jokes about why they were making records, they were half-joking, because they never thought it would be possible, but they wanted to buy a chunk of land in the middle of nowhere that was all farm land. And they wanted it to be big enough so Krist and Shelli could have a house built on that land, and Kurt and Tracy wanted a house on the same chunk of property, so they could be neighbors and have these great farmhouses. And they were laughing because they never thought they'd be able to have it. Those two [Kurt and Krist] were inseparable at the time. They were so tight.""
-from Nirvana: The Daily Eyewitness Chronicle by Carrie Borzillo
Interviewer: Your house containing everything you own catches fire. After saving loved ones and pets, you have time to save one item. What would it be?
Dave: "Probably this letter I got from Kurt in 1992. That sounds terribly melodramatic, but it's true. I lose everything: passports, wallets, car keys, credit cards, but that letter is absolutely irreplaceable. He wrote it to me when everything was going nuts. We were all living in different places- he was in Los Angeles, I was in Virginia and Krist was in Seattle- and some decisions were being made without me. I got really bummed out and Kurt sent me this letter about my role and stature in the band. It was all, 'I love you like a brother.' It was just before we did 'In Utero' and it said, 'I can't wait to get back in the studio and make a record so we can whittle ourselves back down to a comfortable level,' Which of course never really happened."
Melody Maker (sometime between 1997-2000)
Interviewer: Because people thought you were gay and you had gay friends, did you ever wonder if you might be gay?
Kurt: Yeah, absolutely. See I've always wanted male friends that I could be real intimate with and talk about important things with and be as affectionate with that person as I would be with a girl. Throughout my life, I've always been really close with girls and made friends with girls. And I've always been a really sickly, feminine person anyhow, so I thought I was gay for a while because I didn't find any of the girls in my high school attractive at all. They had really awful haircuts and fucked-up attitudes. So I thought I would try to be gay for a while, but I'm just more sexually attracted to women. But I'm really glad that I found a few gay friends, because it totally saved me from becoming a monk or something.
I mean, I'm definitely gay in spirit, and I probably could be bisexual. [...] If I wouldn't have found Courtney, I probably would have carried on with a bisexual life-style.
(The Advocate 1993)
Interviewer: How would you describe the relationship between Kurt and Krist?
Dave: Krist was Kurt's best friend - always. The two of them had a connection beyond words. I think they were closer to each other than they were to anybody else. Krist is a very lovely, gentle, sweet, and huge man. If he's your friend, he's your friend for life. He protected Kurt in a lot of ways and situations. The perfect example is Krist keeping that huge bouncer from killing Kurt after Kurt smacked him over the head with his guitar in Dallas, Texas. The first person to jump up and protect Kurt was Krist. You have a 400-pound bouncer wanting to kill Kurt, and Krist just got up and said, "Don't even try it."
-13 Sept. 2001, Rolling Stone Magazine